Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
