i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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