Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
