what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
People in love make me want to vomit
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize