Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
