I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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