Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize