And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
