True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
