Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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