so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and she was petting her beer can
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
