he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
