I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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