He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
