i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
