My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
