you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
