I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize