Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
