I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i came on her dog
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
