I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I cockslap morals
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize