guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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