Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Let's get the cat blown out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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