Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
