i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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