If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
