I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
