is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
