Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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