dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
