I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
