your thong is hanging out like whoa
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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