when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
