zippers are such a cool invention
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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