I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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