if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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