omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
