Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it because I queefed?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
