It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
