Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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