I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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