You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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