I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
