i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
