smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
