wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
