I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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