She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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