why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
