You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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