I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I bet he comes in French.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
