He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
