Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
