Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
