We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
