Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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