not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
