I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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