My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
