Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
