Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
