So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
