we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i dont even know how to be here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
