I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
