There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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