What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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